The Presidential Pledge

All candidates will hopefully sign our pledge, thus letting the voters know they are fit to be elected President. We are hoping that in the future, signing this pledge will become a requirement of getting on the ballot.


1. I will never apologize for America
2. I will speak no language but English
3. I will only allow English to be spoken in the White House
4. I will not allow Muslims in the White House
5. I will not allow any female member of my family to use contraception
6. I will never hire an immigrant
7. I will not believe in evolution
8. I will not allow any female member of my family to have an abortion, under any circumstances.
9. I will carry a gun in the White House at all times.
10. I will not send my children to liberal brainwashing public schools
11. I will never raise taxes at any time, under any circumstances
12. I will always strive to put Ronald Reagan on the US currency
13. I will praise Jesus Christ, the founder of America, every day
14. I will work to abolish the Department of Education
15. I will work to pass a law declaring English as the official language of the universe

3 Comments to “The Presidential Pledge”

  1. Asshole.

  2. Brilliant! I was unsure weather this website was a parody…..until now…..fucking brilliant!

  3. Sorry, I meant whether, not weather!

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