Liberals and Evolution

The next time a liberal tries to lie to you about evolution, set them straight: The planet is about 5,000 years old. We know this, because GOD himself has made it known to us. There is no dispute here. The alternative is that we randomly appeared out of nowhere. Since the liberals realized that made no sense, they invented a “theory” of evolution (which just happens to rhyme with “revolution”!). But evolution makes even less sense. According to evolution, just a few hundred years ago everyone you know was a monkey.

Think about that for a minute, it’s insane. Most people I know haven’t even been alive long enough to have made this change from monkey to human. And why wouldn’t we remember it or have some books written about being monkeys? Plus, we know there were people! Jesus was alive 2,000 years ago, so evolution is impossible! He wasn’t a monkey. Evolution makes no sense once you think about with some real criticism.

Please show us an example of evolution happening – but you can’t. It simply doesn’t exist. It’s magic that the liberals made up. Evolution is some kind of supernatural magic mumbo-jumbo that just explains how we exist by saying the universe is billions of years old. That literally makes no sense. Think of how long that would be. Where are all the books from a billion years ago? Where are all the cities and people and stuff that would be there if the world was billions of years old? It’s just a fantasy story, sci-fi make believe made up by liberals and foreigners.

The simple fact is that evolution is a MAGICAL explanation for human life. The Bible is a natural explanation.

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115 Comments to “Liberals and Evolution”

  1. Oh my god are you actually mentally retarded? I didnt actually think people were so dumb as to believe this!

  2. Try reading about evolution and then read what you have written.

  3. I would laugh, but you’re serious, so I’ll just shake my head. Evolution is real whether you believe it or not.

  4. I really hope this is a joke. No one can be this stupid…

  5. re: Please show us an example of evolution happening

    Influenza, see that was easy.

  6. You are a cretin. Period

  7. A few hundred years ago?! You need to read a science text book. No scientist says that humans were monkeys a few hunded years ago. In fact, they don’t say that humans ever were monkeys even a million years ago. Humans evolved from humanoid ancestors, not monkeys.

  8. “Evolution is some kind of supernatural magic mumbo-jumbo that just explains how we exist”
    So what the fuck is Jesus then?

  9. wow obvious trol is obvious.

  10. Errr… this is a joke, right?

  11. Your post is a brilliant depiction of the absence of evolutionary progress, at least in some cases. Well done!

  12. Please tell me this post is a joke.

    If it is not, the writer is quite possibly the most stupid person to ever write anything on the internet.

    To retain my faith in human intelligence, I’ll just assume this post is meant as a joke.

  13. You are ignorant. Read a book (not the Bible).

  14. Religious fuckwit

  15. Congratulations.

    This is *officially* the stupidest thing I have ever read.

  16. Wow. Such knowledge. Much holy. Very Bible. So Jesus. I’m impressed.

    Are you a biologist or something?

  17. Is this a joke? Please, be a fucking joke because people that stupid can’t exist.

  18. Wow. So dork. Much idiot. Very idiot. Wow.

  19. Very funny. Although whilst satire is fun, it’s important to remember some people actually think like that.

  20. When you wrote this, were you naked and chewing on your own fingers? I have an ottoman capable of more complex thought than this.

  21. I believe in first amendment freedom of speech even if it does let religious morons and nutbags put out this kind of garbage. Do your moderators allow freedom of speech? Let’s see.

  22. Please please please tell me this is a joke. No one could really be this ignorant.

  23. Are you mentally ok, sir?

  24. What drugs are you on?

  25. You are a moron

  26. Love it. Thanks. So true, too. 5000 years old, no need to ask questions. What was I thinking all these years?

  27. You might be the biggest moron on the planet. Truly. From your writing it seems that you are not college educated, suffer from and adhere to the maniacal religious indoctrination you no doubt were subjected to, and probably live in the southern US or somewhere rural. You know how scientifically wrong, backward, and crazy you sound? So much so, people think you’re actually joking which, I would only hope you are. But your ignorance shines so bright I doubt you think anything is funny about what you said. I guess fairy tales for adults are more ridiculous than children’s fairy tales. Best of luck wallowing in your ignorance!!!

  28. you are so factually incorrect. in fact evolution is demonstrated both in the fossil record and in changes in the gene pool occurring across several generations. you ask for proof of this so tell me what your proof of god or gods could possibly be. if it’s just the bible then you are as stupid as you seem as that contradicts itself let alone the holy books of all other “true” religions

  29. you poor sad fools, the planet is over 4.5 billion years old. You do not need to be completely space happy to have a real faith, really? I believe in God, but am not dumb enough to ignore basic science.

  30. At first God created dinosaurs during the Triassic period, 231 million years ago, and thought after while: this is an error and killed them because people cannot live with dinosaurs. This was Gods first of many errors? Or do you christian people deny dinosaurs too?

  31. It is disquieting to see the extent to which so many of my compatriots are ignorant or misinformed. The above is evidence of the failings of our schools.

  32. You’re talking rubbish.

  33. Please God, I pray this is satire.

  34. What does ‘homleand’ mean?

  35. i debated giving complex responses to this but i cant be arsed your ignorant and believe in a whimsical sky fairy god you barely belong to the human species

  36. This is a joke isn’t it? Nobody could get things so completely wrong unless they’d done this on purpose surely.

  37. Ok, I honestly can’t tell if this is intended to be satire or if you’re the most shockingly ignorant person in the country. Here’s the Catch-22: if it IS satire, you’re likely to respond with another ridiculously over-the-top satirical reply. If it ISN’T satire, you’re going to respond with something equally ridiculous, but it will be what you ACTUALLY think. Not sure how to solve this little riddle…

  38. What is this…. I don’t even…

  39. Have you had a trauma, breakdown or run out of your psychotic drugs?

  40. Are you retarded? Nothing you said is remotely true. This post is a classic strawman argument. You have attacked your own misguided impression of evoloution rather than what the theory is actually about. You’ve also conflated abiogenesis, evoloution and the big bang, these are actually three separate theories.

  41. You are literally to stupid to insult

  42. After reading this I am left with two choices.
    [1] Sit back and laugh at a very funny SATIRICAL article.
    [2] Be amazed at the utter stupidity and ignorance of the author of this article.

    Considering where this article is published I’m inclined to the latter.

  43. I distinctly remember being a monkey about 3,000,000 years ago, and my mother’s diary confirms this.Therefore you are wrong and evolution is correct. Would you like humble pie or some crow for your supper?

  44. Funniest thing I’ve read in years; thanks. (It is a joke, right?)

  45. Surely this is in jest?

    For the record I’m a small government conservative and have been for decades. I also have a strong understanding of the scientific process and how it works and if this article isn’t in jest, I urge you to learn how this process works- because you’re wrong.

    If you have evidence that contradicts the current theory of evolution I suggest you publish it immediately. It will be peer reviewed and your tests will be conducted by others, and if they work for others your evidence will be published as fact. You could change the current theory.

    This is the beauty of the scientific process. Anyone can challenge current knowledge thus, theories are constantly being revised (but only very, very rarely are they completely revoked).

    Regardless, all of your claims regarding evolution, as I pointed out previously, are wrong, plain and simple.

  46. This written piece is a joke, right?

  47. and Genesis rhymes with penises

  48. This is one of the most horrifically dumb things in the entire internet. And that is saying something.

    Please please don’t breed.

  49. Yes, unfortunately there are people that would believe this, but this article was so thick that it almost reads like satire.

  50. This artikle be’s vary good. I beleve it is acurite. Evilution be’s bad. Peter

  51. Very, very funny. I enjoyed the joke.

  52. You know nothing. Evolution is based on observations, not made up, convenient, liberal ideology. Take a biology class. Talk to people who have studied it.

  53. Some joke! But be careful, some people will believe you.

  54. What about that really crazy theory of universal gravitation. Another piece of liberal mumbo-jumbo.

  55. I can remember when I was a monkey. It was fun and we ate lots of bananas.

  56. You seek evidence? Yet offer none?

  57. Wow! Astounding ignorance.

  58. Nice joke. Is there anyone who would actually believe what was written above?

  59. Who ever wrote this is a dumbass.

  60. If you believe in radioactivity (and you most should, since the very computer you’re using to look at this website is most likely powered through radioactive energy) then you should acknowledge that radioactive decay is pretty well understood (as very sadly shown by the detonation of nuclear bombs). Please explain then how the earth is only +/- 5000 years old (I assumed it was 6000 according to a variety of religious sources) while all, and I mean all as in all the evidence that’s been gathered independently of one another, evidence from radio-active decay and other methods point to more than 4 million years. Show me the evidence please.

  61. “According to evolution, just a few hundred years ago everyone you know was a monkey.”

    Erm, no it doesn’t. Not even slightly does evolution suggest such a thing.

  62. Really astounding not

  63. You need to work on your material if you’re gonna make it in stand-up comedy.

  64. Wow – Is this real or a joke?

  65. Funny article. Pls do some research before puking online.

  66. I’m so glad I don’t live in the USA. If I had vegetable brained people like you living near me I would go crazy. Have you ever read Darwin’s’Origin of Species’? Or studied evolution? Or attended school? Are all your friends and neighbours like you? I’m ashamed that people of your stupidity actually exist. Incidentally, evolution is not magic, but fact. When you next access a computer type in ‘proof of Jesus outside the Bible’ you won’t find any. Jesus is fictional, in the same way Harry Potter or Superman is……

  67. This is the dumbest thing I have ever read.

  68. This is moronic

  69. You are, indeed, an idiot. Have a good day!

  70. This is a perfect example of why religion is bad for humanity. It provides a complete idiot like this an audience.

  71. If you are going to try and argue that evolutionary biology is the wrong explanation for human history, you should at least give yourself a basic familiarization with what evolutionary biologists say. For example, evolutionary biology theorizes that humans and monkeys evolved from their common shared ancestry between 7 to 25 million years ago, not a few hundred. Evolutionary. Ufology has shown that it takes around 10,000 generations for one species to evolve Into two new separate lineages. Physics is capable of establishing the approximate age of the earth at being around 4.5 billion years old.

    On the other hand, the Bible was at the very least transcribed by man from God, and then transcribed from man, to man, to man, and so on. In that time there where changes in language, reinterpretations, new edits made, etc. the King James Bible is not word for word identical to the New International Version, etc, etc. a good game of broken telephone results in a totally alters message very quickly.

    Back to evolution for a moment. It explains antibiotic resistance, it plains why recurrent cancer in patients get progressively more aggressive with time. If you don’t believe in that then by all means, don’t bother with any antibiotic other than penicillin, cause you don’t need it. Vancomycin? Peshawar. God will save you. And if you say it’s microevolutio pn vs macro evolution, thest like sting you believe in the theory of gravity as it applies I. Earth, it not as it applies to describing the motion of planets around our sun.

    And if you actually believe as firmly as you claim, you will leave this comment open on your blog, and you will allow others to respond to it. If you delete it, it only proves you own lack of faith and conviction.

  72. You are ignorant and severely uneducated. Go read some books.

  73. You sound like a George Orwell character on Animal Farm, using doublespeak. Or….you just wrote this to bring in hits to your website, because you knew it would draw in “liberal critics”, er, I mean people who actually think. Either way, your message is bankrupt and worthless.

  74. I get it. Your trying to be funny by posting something so totally stupid that it boggles the reader’s mind. You must be created, only a fictional deity could come up with the joke that is your life. Trust me, people are laughing out loud at your blog, a rare combination of stupidity and absurdness.

  75. Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

  76. This is supposed to be satirical or sarcastic right? Because it was to me…

  77. This is a joke right?

  78. This is a joke right?

  79. 1. You don’t understand the meaning of “scientific theory” which is not the same as the common use of the word “theory”. A scientific theory is a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world, based on knowledge that has been repeatedly confirmed through observation and experimentation. See: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_theory

    2. Evolution does NOT say that you or I or anyone we know were monkeys. Neither was any human ever a monkey that does indeed sound ridiculous! What it says is that we had a common monkey-like ancestor in the ancient past. In turn that ancestor had ancient ancestors taking all species of every creature further and further back to one common ancestor. This is where the billions of years come in and why there are no books or evidence of humans from those times – it took an awful long time for each successive generation of creature to change just a little bit (imperceptibly from one to another) to evolve into the creatures today. Here is an interesting look at the timescales involved: http://www.waitbutwhy.com/2013/08/putting-time-in-perspective.html?m=1
    There is plenty of scientific evidence for all this, from carbon-dated fossils to Darwin’s Finches to studies of DNA.

    3. It is no more ridiculous to think that everything sprung into existence thanks to God, than to think that perhaps Gid started the process of evolution. If you think of Genesis as a metaphor then it might all fit together better for you. Why not try to understand alternative viewpoints rather than dismiss them with inaccurate argument?

  80. Unbelievable in this day and age that there are people like yourself, who bury their heads in the sand and refuse to acknowledge what even the heads of their religion recognise. Please, I implore you, don’t go through life denying yourself the wonder and amazement that is reality. Read a book, one written by a real scientist, about evolution. It’s an incredible story.

  81. Hahaha! I haven’t heard anything so stupid my entire life. Come on. You are joking right? Noone who got smallest ability to think can take it seriously.

  82. Haha, whoever wrote this is bankers.
    If the universe is billions of years old where are all the cities???? Haha that’s hilarious

  83. Sorry bonkers not bankers. bloody autocorrect

  84. Seriously? This must be a joke. Or else the ultimate words of stupidity and ignorance.

  85. “Please show us an example of evolution happening – but you can’t. It simply doesn’t exist.”

    Okay. I assume you know about rapid change in bacterial species, but think it doesn’t count for some reason, so let’s look at larger organisms.

    The Hawaiian wallabies are descended from some Australian animals released there about 200 years ago. In that time their digestive system has evolved to digest native vegetation which would otherwise be toxic. They are now so different from the original Australian species that the two cannot interbreed – one definition of a new species, and a clear example of adaptation.

    Then there are the Madagascar weaver birds. Their eggs are stained with a red colour to distinguish them from the eggs of cuckoos, which are a threat in their native environment. Some weaver birds have been moved to S Pacific islands where there are no cuckoos. Their eggs have, over just a few generations, lost their red stain. There is a small energy cost to producing the red stain, but it’s enough to give an advantage to birds who stop doing it when the threat is no longer there.

    The pepper moth is usually greyish and difficult for predators to spot on tree bark, or on buildings, but about 10% are black. In 19th century England industrial pollution began to turn the buildings and tree bark black in the industrial English Midlands. A consequence was that the black pepper moths proliferated, as it was they who were now more difficult to spot, and the greys diminished. During the 20th century better pollution standards were enforced and the buildings and trees got cleaner. The grey pepper moths grew in number, and the blacks diminished again. These are just three of many examples of species change in response to environmental change – exactly in line with Darwinian prediction, but not with the idea that God created species once for all time.

    A modern discovery about evolution is that changes can move through populations much more quickly than was previously thought. This is less surprising now we know about genetics. Darwin didn’t, and was always puzzled about the mechanism for transmitting characteristics. We don’t need to be. Of course, the nomadic desert dwellers who wrote biblical stories knew even less.

    A logical point: given that genetic variation occurs (and we HAVE seen that), and given that not all variations will benefit the organism equally, or at all, mathematics dictates that change MUST occur over generations. If it did not, THAT would be an argument for the existence of God, because it would imply that DNA was not reflected in the organism which it comprised. THAT would really be a supernatural explanation.

    One religious point: there is a ton and a half of evidence that the universe is billions of years old. Most of it doesn’t come from digging in the earth. For example there is light from far-off stars which has been under way for millions of years before it gets here. If you don’t accept these findings that’s OK, until you start to consider the alternatives. If you think that God created all this evidence falsely to mislead us then you are saying that God is a liar on a truly cosmic scale.

    That is why your view is blasphemy.

  86. Is this satire? No one could possibly be this uneducated and illogical yet still be able to write full sentences.

    Hilarious!

  87. You cannot be serious..??

    Hugh

  88. If that were how Evolution worked, you’d be right. It seems you may need to read up on it a bit more though; perhaps not second-hand either.

  89. If that were how Evolution worked, you’d be right. It seems you may need to do some further reading on the subject; and not second-hand information, either.

  90. I can’t believe I’ve just read that! I can’t believe someone just wrote it!

  91. Are you joking? Please tell me you’re joking.

    “The planet is about 5,000 years old. We know this, because GOD himself has made it known to us. There is no dispute here.”

    So, scientists don’t matter here? Because reliable dating has proven that the Earth is about 4.5 BILLION years old.

    “The alternative is that we randomly appeared out of nowhere. Since the liberals realized that made no sense, they invented a “theory” of evolution (which just happens to rhyme with “revolution”!). But evolution makes even less sense. According to evolution, just a few hundred years ago everyone you know was a monkey.”

    Evolution is random mutation through non-random selection. Charles Darwin is credited first with the term natural selection and evolution. And I’m sure he was not a liberal, as he held views that were common for him to have in the 1800s. He believed Europe was superior to other lands, too. The fact that you are politicizing a scientific theory for your own ignorant benefit is ridiculous. Besides, what’s bad about being a liberal? Do you not believe that everybody is equal, or what?

    “According to evolution, just a few hundred years ago everyone you know was a monkey.”

    Oh my god, you literally don’t know anything about this fact you are criticizing! Evolution never said we came from monkeys, first off, it says we share a common ancestry with monkeys. Second, just a few hundred years ago?! We evolved from apes, but we haven’t been apes in the last seven or eight MILLION years. If we were monkeys a couple hundred years ago, George Washington would be a Capuchin. But that’s obviously not the case.

    Your whole next paragraph just makes us realize that you are serious.

    “Please show us an example of evolution happening – but you can’t. It simply doesn’t exist. It’s magic that the liberals made up. Evolution is some kind of supernatural magic mumbo-jumbo that just explains how we exist by saying the universe is billions of years old. That literally makes no sense. Think of how long that would be. Where are all the books from a billion years ago? Where are all the cities and people and stuff that would be there if the world was billions of years old? It’s just a fantasy story, sci-fi make believe made up by liberals and foreigners.”

    “Supernatural mumbo-jumbo”? What do you think God is? I think he is supernatural mumbo-jumbo. Evolution has been proven. Look at all the intermediate fossils, your DNA is 50-60% banana. Both microevolution and speciation have been seen before. There were no books a billion years ago, because humans hadn’t evolved yet. Fully modern humans evolved less than 100,000 years ago.

    “The simple fact is that evolution is a MAGICAL explanation for human life. The Bible is a natural explanation.”

    *Facepalm*

  92. Lol, most idiotic reasoning I ever could read. Are you really that dumb ? And you’re sure you’re not a monkey ?

  93. Whoever wrote this is a Grade A moron. It’s sad but there are probably idiots out there who believe this crap. Try opening up a science book instead. You might actually learn something.

  94. This is a joke, right? No one could possibly be this ignorant and nonsensical.

  95. Every single thing you said here is demonstrably false. Please tell me this is a troll…..

  96. Great joke article. I think that you are very cunningly trying to pretend that you are absolutely stupid just so you can get credited to write a follow up to Life of Brian.

  97. This is without doubt the funniest thing I have read this year. Liberals and foreigners….superb

  98. What a crock of sh!t

  99. in detail:
    “The next time a liberal tries to lie to you about evolution, set them straight: The planet is about 5,000 years old. We know this, because GOD himself has made it known to us. There is no dispute here. ”

    there most certainly is dispute here and you have given no evidence to support the grandiose claim that a male god of some sort told you.

    “The alternative is that we randomly appeared out of nowhere. ”

    if you mean evolution is random then you are wrong. it is directed by environment. only the genetic variation an be said to have a random element in the mutation side of the equation. if you mean that the Big Bang is randomly out of nowhere then where exactly does God come from if not randomly out of nowhere or, if eternal, then that needs explaining as it might also be the case that the Big Bang for our Universe resulted from something in a previous or even other concurrent Universe (and yes, the term Universe is not so applicable if this is the case but it is there for historic reasons).

    “Since the liberals realized that made no sense, they invented a “theory” of evolution (which just happens to rhyme with “revolution”!). But evolution makes even less sense. According to evolution, just a few hundred years ago everyone you know was a monkey.”

    No. A few hundred years ago all humans were, well, how can I put this? Human! The ancestors of Homo sapiens were non-human ultimately but please keep in mind that the idea of a monkey giving birth to a human is not a part of Darwin’s theory.

    “Think about that for a minute, it’s insane. Most people I know haven’t even been alive long enough to have made this change from monkey to human.”

    This is not what Darwin said. Please get your facts straight. Each human remains a human for their entire life. Each monkey does so too. However, accumulated genetic changes result in major changes of form over large numbers of generations over geological timescales.

    “And why wouldn’t we remember it or have some books written about being monkeys? ”

    We don’t remember it. It’s in the fossil record, genetics and body plan.

    “Plus, we know there were people!”

    Who are you arguing with here?

    “Jesus was alive 2,000 years ago, so evolution is impossible!”

    Non-sequitur.

    “He wasn’t a monkey.”

    No one says he was.

    “Evolution makes no sense once you think about with some real criticism.”

    It is the single most attacked scientific theory and so far no one has been able to dent it.

    “Please show us an example of evolution happening – but you can’t. It simply doesn’t exist.”

    The fossil record shows the bushy family trees of plenty of groups. Genetic evidence shows close relationships between extant and, in some cases now, extinct organisms.

    “It’s magic that the liberals made up. Evolution is some kind of supernatural magic mumbo-jumbo that just explains how we exist by saying the universe is billions of years old. That literally makes no sense. Think of how long that would be. Where are all the books from a billion years ago? Where are all the cities and people and stuff that would be there if the world was billions of years old? It’s just a fantasy story, sci-fi make believe made up by liberals and foreigners.”

    Why does it “literally make no sense” and why would we expect anything written or otherwise recorded billions of years ago on this or other planets to have survived to be found as yet if at all? Darwin did not say that there were people billions of years ago. Homo sapiens is around 200,000 years old. The genus Homo is in the low millions.

    “The simple fact is that evolution is a MAGICAL explanation for human life. The Bible is a natural explanation.”

    The bible is an agglomeration of Jewish and Christian texts put together in the 4th Century AD with a number of books not making the final cut. It doesn’t explain human life any more than any other religious book does in factual terms only in terms of a system of religious beliefs. If you take the time to read the creation myth in the book of Genesis you will find it makes no sense as the order of creation is logically incorrect.

  100. Absolute rubbish……..how can you be so stupid????????????????

  101. Bloody idiots. Are you able to refute the physics of radiocarbon dating (& all the other clocks) which show unequivocally that the earth is vastly older than 5000yrs? Use your brains. Twits. The bible was written by men for their own ends. There is no god. You are evolved machines. Strangely you have become intellectual dwarfs compared to any scientist. The contrast between the staggeringly impressive achievements of science and your vapourings is colossal.

  102. If I had not suspected this might not be a joke, I would have gotten a good laugh from reading this.

  103. I believe that God created the earth, but you sir. Are special… Study before you try to make an argument…

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